Not Even a Link
by Kokiri-Hylian-Hero
Summary: Just a little something I did for humor, but I cannot be sure what passes for fantasy violence, so it's a T rated one, just to be cautious.


Not Even a Link

**Okay, so Christmas was last year, big deal! And, no, I do not own any of the Legend of Zelda games, also, big deal. **

Midna and Link shared many a tale of Hylian yore, yet not one has recorded the night before Christmas. As you all very well know, Santa appears in Hyrule castle and sits on the throne while Zelda sleeps in the Triforce set up above the throne, Zelda rests there instead of setting up a sign for Santa to land.

It was one such Christmas Eve, where Santa sat on the throne, though his name was not known I'll tell you, for the sake of posterity, but I must say it when we get there, and I alone shall say it in this story, for not even Princess Zelda or the Sages knew, well, except one, but Santa just had to keep his secrets—I'll get to that as well.

Link stepped up the stairs, the brisk winter wind whipping his blonde hair until it screamed—if hair could scream, but that's just plain weird, "Santa!" he called, he called out to the man on the throne, the man in charge, the Man *cue danger music* his name was…Ganondorf.

It was during a terrible blizzard, in fact, it was so terrible they had to cancel even Santa's flight plans, but he then sought the Seven Sages, in the guise of Ganondorf, but one of them knew too much, this one was the Sage of Water, he knew she knew too much, he remembered her from the _Ocarina of Time_, "First," she said, "I want one Link doll-" and with a snap of his fingers she was gone, now, we see him faced with the Hero of Time grand something, all I know that it's somewhere between great grand, and great grand times five, "Link." The fat, jolly guy answered back, the sack swung over his shoulder filled with toys for good little boys and girls, "Santa, when I was ten I asked for a sword of my own, all I got was the Kokiri's Sword and the Master Sword, both of them rentals, and look what the Master Sword did to me."

"You seem a fine young man to me, my boy."

"Exactly, I'm mentally ten, but the blade locked me up seven years, do you know that next year I have to vote? Thank goodness Zelda's in a monarchy, or else I'd vote for the guy who makes you change me back to a kid." Before Santa was done thinking of what to lie, what devious story to tell the boy, a voice came from his shadow, "So you're Santa Clause? I've been dying to meet you."

"And what can I get you, little girl?"

"Well," she started out, serious, composed, majestic, "you see, Zant usurped the throne, turned me into an imp, and shatter the Mirror of Shadow into four pieces…"

"Well, that's terrible."

"…four pieces which Link and I traveled all of Hyrule and half the sky for, just so we could put the Mirror of Shadow back together, because all the kings men and all the kings horses couldn't, but horses have hooves not feet so no surprise there, but still, after we killed Zant-"

"Ho, ho, ho, hold it right there little Missy, you've been a bad girl this year-"

"I'm not finished here! Zant told me you gave him powers to turn me into an imp, you're the one who has been bad this year—or maybe Zant just now got around to using his powers, anyways, so I really, really want the throne of Lorule back." Link took a step to Midna's side and whispered, "Wrong Dark World."

"What?" Santa asked, a bit curious, as he could tell who's been good or bad, much less tell what they're thinking, much less knowing when anyone's awake—but I'll prove that in just a minute, just like I told you about the Sage who knew too much, and the true identity of Santa Clause.

"Oh, okay." Midna nodded and whispered, having heard Link's whisper, no surprise, what with them being at arm's length from one another, "What?" Santa repeated his question, to no great use, "W. D. W." Midna taunting replied, "It's a secret to everyone."

"Ah, a reference to the original Legend of Zelda game, am I right?"

"A reference to a reference, actually, you know, the same game referred to it as the one where the Dark World merchants chant 'Yub gniemos lliw ouy' every time you pass their way."

"Huh?" now Ganon Clause was furiously curious, but as he turned around and held his arm outstretched towards Zelda a voice shouted, "Tree thief, halt!" Impa stepped out of a rift in the dimensions, and slaps the bracelets on his wrists, "What?!" Ganondorf yelled furiously, and Link answered by holding up his phone, which he had used behind his back, "I don't know what this is," Link said, "but it sure came in handy."

"But, Link, I didn't know you could use a cellular phone, much less underhanded and behind your back."

"That's because he didn't." Zelda said, floating down from her perch, "Link, thank you for thwarting the Dark Grinch's plan to throw our world into eternal winter."

"But I thought the narrator said that Santa's plans were canceled because of a blizzard."

"Yeah, real convenient, huh, no, it was my doing, good cover, too, and I would have gotten away with it too, had it not been for those princesses and their pesky dog."

"Are you referring to me, or the Snoopy key chains that Zelda and Midna wear? Our worlds are definitely two sides of the same coin, but I guess there are other coin boxes, and each face has one coin for every tail, so all our worlds are bound—seriously, _Ocarina of Time_ is featured on _Skyward Sword_ and _Twilight Princess, _how on earth?" Link said as Impa tapped his shoulder, "Boy, I do not who you are but you really did us a great favor by catching this guy, would you mind telling us your name?" he grinned and adjusted his hat, "Just one of Santa's little helpers!" and with that, he flew away—don't ask me how, "So he was an elf." Impa noted, "Yes," Zelda agreed, "wearing a wind sock on his head, and a skirt about his waste."

"Could he have been a Leprechaun elf, perhaps?" Zelda shook her head, "I have no idea, maybe there were some things we just weren't meant to know."

**And cut! Beautiful, or at least, as beautiful as this could have gotten under my supervision, but I'll just leave this to your respectable opinions, this is Kokiri(Hylian)Hero, wishing you a happy whatever's left of the holidays and signing out. **


End file.
